Inward Bound: How I survived Meditation Boot Camp

Yeah.... okay.... SO, check out THIS ten day schedule:

4:00 a.m.-------Morning wake-up GONG (!)
4:30-6:30 a.m.--Meditate in hall or your room
6:30-8:00 a.m.---Breakfast break (Yahoo!)
8:00-9:00 a.m.---Group meditation in hall (no sleeping!)
9:00-11:00 a.m.---Meditate in the hall
11:00-12:00 noon---Lunch break (major yahoo!!)
12noon-1:00 p.m.--Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 p.m.---Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 p.m.--Group meditation in hall (no groaning)
3:30-5:00 p.m.--Meditate in the hall or in your room
5:00-6:00 p.m.--Tea break (yeah.... just tea~!)
6:00-7:00 p.m.------Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 p.m.----Teacher's Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 p.m.----Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 p.m.--Question time in the hall
9:30 p.m.---Retire to your own room--Lights out



Of course I wasn't allowed to bring a camera (or reading material, writing material, essential oils, food, snakes, crayons, or liquids & gels) but this photo at right kinda implies the excitement of the meditation hall at the Vipassana Centre. EXCEPT that my whole group o' tators (that's "meditators" for those of us who travel at different speeds.... now......) had mega-block meditation pillows, all equipped with super-spinal supports and lumbar luxurious pillows and just all the new state-of-the-art meditation paraphenalia.

I brought a blanket. And they had to lend me headphones so I could hear the lessons. It was very uncool. Luckily, I've subsequently read some tales from other newbie meditators & I don't feel quite so stigmatized.



So I gave the whole "meditate for twelve hours a day" schedule a chance.... for the first four days.

Then, on the fifth day, a revelation: I really don't like meditating. I figure that - maybe -- I'm just not miserable enough for meditation (or at least the method that was taught by Mr.Goenka (shown below beside his lovely wife).

Actually, he was a hilarious teacher & I probably wouldn't have stayed thru the whole course if his lessons weren't so flippin' entertaining.... at least until the last three days when they started to sound like propaganda sessions from a hare krishna bagwan-brainwashing sect or something.... (repeat after me: ignore your sankaras and ragas and embrace the dhamma of anicca... now repeat again fifty times in a slow, droning & hypnotic voice to 100 sensory-starved, sleep-deprived, malnourished 'tators.... Vipassana!!)

I know that I'm going to get in trouble from certain friends& relations for being so (notoriously) sarcastic & closed-minded and... well, basically being myself.

BUT--- the good news was that I spent the last five days meditating quite seriously on some new business ideas and very creative re-financing plans that should potentially net me about $200k within the year and possibly millions over the next few years.

Now THAT was a divinely enlightening experience!